Is it Austrailian for burger?

I took this one in as a suggestion from the peanut gallery. I’m told it’s made its way from the land where toilets flush backwards and your life is in peril should you dare to confuse Aussie and Kiwi.

• Swiss
• Fried egg
• Pineapple ring

Some kind of Squak ‘n Turf burger? You got me. I’m stumped. It’s a hearty breakfast, though. Pineapple and eggs, not bad, not bad at all.

The Wingburger.

LAWDY.

I’ve had this one rolling around in the ol’ noodle for weeks. It didn’t happen until after a hearty session of protein fusion at the local wingery. I said to myself, if I get the nuclear red wings*, I’ll barely be able to eat half of my order and I’ll be miserable for the rest of the day.

Sounds like victory.

I could’ve gone with my favorites — the Hawaiian with ranch is especially good — or perhaps the lovely garlic parmesan. But nothing says wings like atomic red with fire blowing out your ass.

• Wings
• Fire
• Ranch

My ranch dressing was a little runny. This is desirable for generic wing eating, I suppose, but not so much for a sandwich. I had a puddle of white goo with reddish tinges on my plate. That could be unsettling in certain circumstances.

Oh glorious Wingburger.

I’d definitely hit it again. And again. And again. Meat with meat! MORE MEAT!

* Technically, they’re chicken breast strips. The wingery calls ‘em boneless wing strips, but hey, it’s all chicken to me.

Tacoburger.

This one oozes with fantastic. Or beans. Fantastic beans.

• Refried beans
• Cheddar
• Cilantro
• Sour cream

This one ends up looking like it has a second patty. In retrospect, as these things always are, I think this would’ve been improved with a bit of enchilada sauce drizzled lovingly over the top. Despite the sour cream, it was a little dry. Definitely worth a repeat, though. Lots of potential there.

The Red Herring.

Another garden buger, but… wait a minute. That ain’t beef!

• Onions
• Basil
• Pepper jack
• Salmon filet

Fooled you. This one’s for ye who object to noshing on the flesh of the cow, ’cause gnawing on the flesh of the fish is okay. Don’t hurt me.

I’ve never been much for tossing a bunch of veggies into a blender and making some funky patty out of it. My burgers demand thick slabs of something. Of anything. It’s just got to be distinct. I’m not making bean dip sandwiches here…

The Curryburger.

Number twenty. We’re halfway through our magical odyssey of putting weird things between a bun and a meat. To mark the occasion, I give you one of the greatest masterpieces yet.

Meet Curryburger.

• Onion
• Potato
• Curried.

Highly curried. Curried to death. So curried that it’ll run home and smack yo’ mama. The potatoes needed to be cooked and peeled before tossing them in the skillet. I let them get nice and browned before going to town on the curry. Oh, the curry.

Curry in progress.

I put together a real nice yellow curry for this one. I can’t even begin to tell you what went into it. It’s been turmeric’d. It’s been coriander’d. Cumin’d. It’s got the garlics. I ran some of surlyman’s garden peppers through the mill for this one. There’s strips of Rev. Butler’s balcony basil in there. It’s got it all, and it’s on fire.

Curryburger, assemble!

The potato adds something wonderful, and also makes for a rather filling burger. It’s sort of like getting a side of fries. Atomic fries. It also adds a dimension of height. If you can manage to get your jaws around this one, you’re going to enjoy a trip to heaven with your own personal 40 virgins. Guaranteed.

The Mac'n'Cheeseburger.

I did a little time with a brand name internet search engine, and all I found was a bunch of folks who liked to make cheeseburger mac. You know the stuff. 50 cent box macaroni and cheese with ground hamburger and whathaveyou mixed in. Well, I spit on that.

I did a mac’n'cheeseburger.

• 50 cent box macaroni and cheese
• Red onion rings
• BBQ sauce

BBQ sauce makes even the nastiest box mac edible. In this case, the box mac wasn’t too bad to begin with, although in the realm of mac and cheese, decidedly awful. A little Charlie Vegas Rendezvous fixed that up. In fact, the BBQ sauce was too good for it. We all make sacrifices.

This burger is worth repeating. How could it go wrong? Your only dangers are forgetting to bring your fork (because, boy howdy, this burger’s a mess) and early onset diabetes from far, far too many carbs. Decision is yours.

The Reuben.

I’m a sucker for the sandwich. Whenever I have the opportunity to visit a new German deli, I try it out. Whatddyaknow, it makes for a tasty burger.

• Dark rye
• Swiss (sue me)
• Saurkraut
• Thousand Island dressing

This is another burger that I think is just going to speak for itself. In the future, I think I’ll double up on the bread. Those slices were just too thin to eat comfortably.

Now with over 9000 islands.

Grilled pineapple.

Grilled pineapple.

I don’t think we have go any farther, do we?

Grilled pineapple.

Kissed it with sweet and sour sauce, couple rings of onion.

Did I mention the grilled pineapple?

Yeah.

I did.

(Grilled pineapple….winner.)

The Chiliburger.

Here’s a burger that’s messy as hell and will leave you with a Coke and a smile. Carry a towel, bring a fork, and take the phone off hook.

• Cheddar
• Chili
• Red onion
• Avocado

I don’t know how anyone would fail to love this. Messy? Hell yes! If you take a bite of this bastard, you’re going to have chili everywhere. It’s going to look like to took on a grizzly bear with your chompers and won. You ever try to turn a grizzly into chili with nothing but your bare teeth?.

No? Next best thing right here, baby.

This is a lot like a fancy sloppy joe, only with some extra meat thrown in. I love it. MEAT.

The Slawburger.

RonDiaz demanded that I combine burger with slaw. Victory is mine.

• Slaw
• Pickles
• Cheddar

This must be a Wisconsin thing? I wasn’t terribly excited about it. Perhaps I had lousy slaw. (That’s entirely possible, it was store-deli stuff.) Whatever the case, this burger was just okay. Perhaps RonDiaz will supply me with substitute pictures and experience to refute my claim.